The Misadventures of an 'Apparent' Playboy
by eryv
Summary: Sure, at one point in my life I did have many girlfriends in a short span of time- some even overlapping, but there is a perfectly acceptable explanation about that. You see, all those chicks were crazy. Kiba POV DISCONTINUED
1. Five Girls, Five Secrets

* * *

When people hear my name, one thing runs through their mind; '_Playboy_', and no matter how many times I try to tell them it's not true, they don't believe me. So lately I've become accustomed to letting people think that.

Even though the truth is…I'm hopeless at all of _that_.

Sure, at one point in my life I did have many girlfriends in a short span of time (some even overlapping), but there is a perfectly acceptable explanation about that.

You see, all those chicks were crazy.

I know you've probably heard it from other apparent playboys a million times, but this time it's true. I want people to see past the muscles, past the amounts of girlfriends and past the killer looks (even if I do say so myself).

But most of all I want them to look past the name Inuzuka Kiba. This is why I am going to spill my biggest secret.

…well, there are five of them actually. Five of them in the span of about eight months. Five girlfriends, five first dates, and about five hundred nights of sex.

Their names were Rebecca, Louisa, Kathy, Alice and Autumn…

* * *


	2. Rebecca

Rebecca Rebecca Rebecca...

* * *

The Misadventures of an 'Apparent' Playboy

Rebecca was an awesome girl. Real trendy. I guess that's the thing that drew me to her. She had an attitude and she wasn't afraid to use it! It's good to see that in a girl for a change- a girl more interested in her grades at Uni than her hair.

She was really smart too. Wow, ask her a question and she'd go off, chatting about how and why. She made everything interesting. Great imagination too, she'd make up stories on the spot and have you captivated.

I met her while doing research in the library about some herbs- boring I know, but ninjas need at least a small about of knowledge of how to tend wounds. I was stressing out because Kureni had been on my back about it all week, but I didn't know the first thing about what I was looking for

She was gorgeous, reaching up to a book to high for her reach. A long body hugged by tight jeans and a purple top, glasses thrown askew as she tried to lengthen her body even further to reach _'Our Planetary Systems-And How!'_- A stupid name for a book, but as I grabbed it for her it wasn't the first thing on my mind.

"Hi," was my rather lame greeting.

"Hey," was her answer, and soon we were chattering so much we got kicked out of the library.

Laughing, we introduced ourselves, and to my flattery she said she'd heard of me and my team before. She then agreed to going out with me- I know I act fast. But she was just so intoxicating…I just couldn't help it.

She was great. We just clicked straight away- connected. I took her everywhere and on our three week anniversary we were only too willing to take the next step, if you know what I mean. As I said, our relationship progressed rapidly, but we were great together.

But that was until she tagged along to one of my training sessions.

After I had introduced her to Shino and Hinata, I had got on with training. She played the best part of a spectator, gasping and laughing while we were sparring. She insisted upon coming along the next time. And the next. And the one after that,

Soon she began to grow distant, but always arrived at the training grounds three times a week for when I'd train with my two team mates. I began to grow worried, I thought seeing me training in action had made her realise how dangerous it was out there.

Alas no, and I woke one morning to find she wasn't there.

When I _did_ find her, she was with Shino.

Shino doesn't like socialising much, so the girl chattering away at him made him uneasy as you can guess.

Two days later Rebecca announced to me that she was leaving me for Shino. When I went to confront him, he had said that he had no idea what I was talking about, and had taken out a restraining order against Rebecca some time ago.

Our relationship ended, she was sent away for a 'rest', and I was left heartbroken and very confused.

So there went Rebecca.

* * *

R&R


	3. Louisa

Here comes girl no.2  
Remember to R&R.

* * *

Believe it or not, Louisa asked _me_ out.

She was tough, full of gumption and not afraid to stand up for what she believed in. I had been uneasy about getting in a relationship so soon after Rebecca, but soon I was taken by her strong demeanour, stubborn determination and the sense she let off that in the end, everything would be okay.

White blonde hair cropped short, bright blue eyes and an ass to die for; she was another beauty. Passionate, too. She had a skill for acting I had never seen before or since.

But she was very confused. Oh yes, she was a very, _very_ confused girl.

If you haven't noticed by now, I'm a bit of a pushover when it comes to girls. In about two days I'm convinced I'm in love, and in about three I'm convinced 'they're the one', even though I don't believe in all that crap. But it was no different with Louisa.

Louisa had an opinion about everything, and would never lose an argument. That was the way it was with her. One moment you'd be having a conversation with her, and then a debate. And if you were me, then after the debate you'd be kissing the life out of her…ah, great times.

But after a while I began to notice that something was up with her. She wasn't like any of the girls I'd met before. I know I probably say that about every girl I've dated, but this time something was really off. After a longer period of dating she began to drift, just like 'Bec had. I wondered if I had a disease.

She _also_ had an infatuation with watching me train, so I kept a very close eye on Shino.

But nothing happened. Well, not with _him_ anyway.

Louisa was a very confused girl, but I think the fog cleared for her as she ran out of my apartment, leaving a very red Hinata sitting on my couch. (Hinata has trouble with girls sitting to close to her now, if she wasn't shy enough already).

I saw Louisa recently. She was making out with an acquaintance of mine. A _female_ acquaintance.

So there went Louisa…


	4. Kathy

Censorship? Get fucked.  
Hope you enjoy Kathy!

* * *

…I met Kathy on a mission.

A mission to get drunk that is.

This time there was a few weeks between girlfriends, by the way. I'm not that shallow.

I mean, two weeks is _ages_.

Anyway, I was blind drunk. All I remember is throwing up down someone's blouse. When I woke up, it felt like someone had just split my head open with an axe or something. From the look on her face, it looked as if that thought would soon to be true.

But she was a softie.

After I had thrown up on her, she had taken me- unconscious, to her own place and cleaned us both up. Akamaru had helped her.

Soft brown hair, sweet amber eyes and pale skin, with a sprinkle of freckles over her nose, she was a shy, rosy-cheeked healer in training. Gentle, sweet. Such a change from my everyday life full of blood-streaked kunai and a fight for life.

Now, I'm not wholly indecent to take advantage of the poor girl. I _had_ to make it up to her, and it wasn't everyday someone took to Akamaru so quickly either. Usually girls scream when they see him. She actually _squealed_.

Anyway, I would come over to her house and do whatever she asked me. Weed the garden, go shopping, you name it. At first she refused, but after a whimper from 'mans best friend', she gave in.

…a bit too easily.

One day she gave me a chore to do that I was only too happy to oblige.

"Fuck me, Dog-Boy."

As it turned out, she was a little minx in the bedroom. But before we started dating I made sure of one thing;

"Promise me you will _never_ under any circumstances watch me train." To which she replied;

"Ew, I hate violence!" And ah, I was in love again.

But I also made sure that none of my friends would get to know her. The only time they ever saw her was when we'd accidentally pass in the street. I wasn't keen on people gossiping about my love-life even more. You see, people don't know the exact way things ended with my girlfriends unless they were directly involved, and the ones who were didn't _want_ to talk about it- period. And so my reputation grew.

Akamaru started acting strangely after a few days of dating. He would whine when we'd head to her house, and mimic dullness when she was near.

I suppose I should have paid more attention to him. And I suppose I should've actually paid attention to the scent Kathy was giving off- what Akamaru smelt only too strongly. But you know what they say; 'Love makes you blind'. Now _that_ I know to be true.

Well, I'm just glad that people didn't find out how it ended with Kathy. Kathy who was kind. Kathy who said she'd never leave me. Kathy who said she loved me. Kathy who decided to become a vet halfway through the relationship. Kathy who loved to do it doggy-style.

Kathy who was the second girlfriend to be sent to counselling. Heck, she was locked up in the asylum. Straight jacket, padded room, the whole works.

In blunt terms, she tried to make Akamaru her bitch. Poor, deluded and insane girl…

* * *

I don't own Kiba, but I sure love to pretend I do! R&R!


	5. Alice

Say hello to Alice everybody!

* * *

This time there was no enjoyment. Because technically, Alice wasn't a girlfriend. She was a one-night stand who just happened to last a very long time.

A very, very, very long time.

Because Alice had emotional issues.

Another night out with the guys, celebrating a mission that was finally over. Partying.

Getting drunk.

Metting new people.

Meeting a girl.

Going back to my place.

And- uh, I'll let your imagination take it from there.

The next morning, I woke up with a splitting headache- it was becoming a habit that. The poor girl didn't seem to be able to move because her own hangover was so bad. Because I have more experience and pitied the naked women in my bed, I told her to take her time leaving. She could only nod and take the pain killers I gave her.

That night, I slumped into my empty bed, tired from training.

The next morning, I woke up with a girl clutched to me.

Surprise, surprise.

I untangled myself from the sleeping girl, alarmed. Then I figured she didn't have anyplace to stay, and took my 'take your time', as an invitation to stay over until she got herself settled. Whatever, I didn't mind if she stayed another day.

The next day I left, hoping that she would go. I hadn't even had a proper conversation with the girl.

…on the fourth day, I plucked up my courage as she wandered out of the bedroom, sitting down at the table across from me and pulling out the cereal.

"So, uh…" I began awkwardly.

"How's your team?" she asked, not even blinking at the tension. She leant back, put up her legs and munched on her cereal, staring at me and waiting for an answer.

"Uhm…fine…" I responded. Akamaru walked in and growled at the girl. She ignored him.

"So…you're…" I began. She stared at me, waiting for me to continue, "Sorry, your name?"

She looked hurt that I had forgotten- or had I? I don't remember her ever telling me.

"Don't be silly Kiba. I'm Alice, remember?" She giggled, as if I was joking, "Duh, you're girlfriend!"

There was a heavy silence.

"Oh yeah, sure." I lied, wondering if she was playing some sort of prank.

"So what time will you be home tonight? Not late, I hope. I've got that dinner party, remember? I want you to meet my friends."

I stared at her.

"Huh?" was my intelligent reply.

She giggled.

"You're so cute, Kiba-kun! I can't believe I haven't even met your parents yet. Oh, I know! We should invite them too!"

I had been coincidentally drinking a glass of juice then. You can guess the results. I always scoffed when that happened on television- I mean, as if someone telling you something unbelievable could make you choke on your drink. It was so set up too.

I glare darkly at people who say that now.

Anyway, she had gasped and jumped up, patting me on the back until I could breathe again.

"Well, I'm going to take a shower, okay honey?" she asked, all concern.

I nodded, thinking; _'Ok, but I'm going to go call the cops.'_

Which was exactly what I did.

She used to cry and throw things at my window for nights afterward, demanding to know why I had left her. Was there another woman? Was I mad, or confused? When could she call me? And that she'd kill that bloody dog.

Finally though, she stopped after awhile, after the asylum agreed to take in another ex of mine. They began to put the bills on my tab after that.

* * *

Say goodbye to Alice. And R&R.

This chap wasn't the best, but I'm not done with Alice...kukuku.


	6. Autumn

The second last chapter of Tomato Soap here...

**WARNING: This chapter is more explict than all the others. Than all the others combined. Just a little warning for all you innocents. It's not that bad, not worth the bold I'm writing this in, but better safe than sorry. It just has like...2 suggestive sentences. Oh yeah- I mean no offence to anyone (just in case you're going to get offended). This is fictional, so don't have a cat about it.**

Well, Kiba-kun is just so rapable...

* * *

Out of all of them, Autumn was the only one I never slept with. For that, I almost weep with joy, thanking whatever external forces took pity on me at that moment.

We met on Halloween. She was stalking around in a tiny witches dress, fishnet stockings and high heels, a broom in one hand and a plastic orange pumpkin-bucket half full with sweets. She was the only person over 20 dressed up and actually 'trick or treating'.

I wasn't so into Halloween that year- I mean Ino had a party organised but I wasn't interested in dressing up for it, and Hinata was away on some stupid family business and Shino was still on a solo infiltration mission. So instead, my night consisted of squirting fake blood all over my stomach and leaving the front door open, so any trick or treater would open it to see me presumably being eaten by an enormous dog. Henge does charms.  
Hahahahaha! Little brats- they screamed and ran along with their parents (apart from one time when I snorted of laughter too early).

Anyway, there was a knock on the door which was still left slightly ajar. I lay down in my position.  
As expected, she opened the door. Upon seeing me she smiled, crimson lips stretching back to expose the straight white teeth, and the tongue came out to the sweet red lollipop at her mouth.

In my mock death my eyes were open (obviously), so I was free to observe what I then thought to be possibly the most sexiest thing I had ever seen that was not on the television. She grinned again, looking back at me through the dead-straight black bangs of her wig with wide, blue eyes.

"Trick or treat," she whispered, stepping over me to the bowl of chocolates on a small table a few feet from the door.

Well needless to say- sexy women in a tiny dress leans over a man lying down and looking up, you do the math.  
So, evidently it became clear that I _wasn't _dead, but probably soon to be as a large amount of blood had rushed to my face and began dripping slowly from my nose.  
I was literally leaking, in more ways than one.

Let me tell you- this woman had the magic. And I wanted the magic.

It's funny…you hear so many pick up lines in your lifetime and when the opportunity arises only the utter shit ones come to mind. This time I had the choice between-  
_'You know…when I'm good, I'm _really_ good…but when I'm bad I'm BETTER.'_ –insert suggestive smile;

'_Wanna play house? You be the be the flyscreen door and I'll bang you.' _;

"_Wow- sorry but…I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen'_ ; and

"_I like your shoes. Wanna fuck?"_

It's probably lucky that I wasn't really able to talk at the moment, because I found myself leaning dangerously to the last.

However, when she had a handful or chocolates she bent down next to my head.  
"Be careful with your dog," she murmured, "they can't eat stuff like this, "she held up one morsel, "right?"  
"Akamaru's smart." Was my dim-witted reply.  
She smiled again.  
"Still," she continued, "best not chance it…" and with that she emptied the entire bowl of lollies into her soon bulging pumpkin.

"Don't worry, I won't leave you with nothing…"

* * *

I spent the rest of my nigh sitting on the couch ignoring the doorbell and loud knocks on the door- which resulted in much eggs and shaving cream to be cleaned the next day, sucking on a bright red lollipop (hmmm, raspberry), and fiddling with a scrap of paper with a phone number on it.

Akamaru sat next to me and barked.

"You can say that again," I agreed, "Holy shit."

* * *

What I both liked and didn't like about Autumn, was that she was blunt, honest and sexy- not to mention extremely perverted.

What I liked about it, was that she always wanted to have sex.

What I didn't like about it, was that she always wanted to have sex.

I don't know, it didn't make much sense to me either at the time. I just felt like there was too much attitude in the relationship with both of us sometimes. Every five minutes it was a perverted comment that had me coughing in public places, and her absolute obsession with action/gore/horror/thriller films frightened me sometimes.

One day, when we were sitting on my couch, she was pondering over my name in boredom (after another- "I just came back from training, can't we do it later?", "We've only known each other for two days!", and a "No, I'd rather like a shower by myself thanks).  
"Inuzuka…Kiba." She moulded over the sound again, "Kiba."

"What about it?" I asked.  
"It's very…" she shrugged, "I dunno…sharp."  
"Sharp?" I pondered, "Like…cheese sharp? Or Rick James sharp?"  
"More the cheese one."  
"Oh," I answered, disappointed but not surprised, "and what about your name? Autumn? A bit flowery."  
She shrugged.  
"I like it ."  
"What's your whole name?"

"Autumn Lily Rose."  
And she looked perfectly serious as she said it.

* * *

Despite quite possibly being the most sexy woman on the face of the planet, I found the thought of doing the deed with the flowery girl quite daunting. There was something strange about her, the way her name clashed with her thoughts and behaviour, the way she grudgingly admitted that Autumn Lily Rose wasn't her real name, but she'd chosen it, and the way she sometimes just scratched as if she didn't care who saw in public.  
This girl had a magic that I wasn't quite sure I wanted.

So when the task inevitably came to pass, I was nerve wracked.

"So…you want me to…now?" I asked evenly one evening, fingering her waistband.

She rolled her eyes.  
"Here's an idea," she snapped, pushing me onto the bed, "Instead of…_that_, how about I just fuck the brains out of you?"  
And with that blunt statement, she unzipped and pulled down her shorts and underwear in one.  
And lo and behold, there _it_ was.

Seriously, that womans brain was in her penis.  
That's right. _In her penis._

"ARGH!" I all but screamed, crawling back "You-you're a dude?"  
"Of course," she- uh, he smiled, "how else would I have gotten into the male psyche? I know what men want," she came closer, "because I want it too."  
And just when I was about to be raped, someone flew through my window.

Autumn screamed as a loud explosion of glass smashed through the room, my rescuer landing in a roll. Dusting themself off, they stood breathing heavily.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Autumn cried.

"Didn't you see?" the stranger asked mildly, smoothing down their hair, "The window."

"Six stories up?" Autumn was cut off by my sudden realisation.  
"A-Alice?"

Sure enough Alice looked up, and gazed at me with here deep brown eyes (so that's what colour they were…).

But she soon turned from me and faced Autumn.  
"You," my one night stand declared, pointing at her, "You may not know, but I…I am Kiba's fiancé-" I almost choked on air and died just then, "and although I know he loves me, he's been going through some rough, confusing times since the accident." Accident? "Please leave."

Autumn, who was now wearing pants, looked at me with hurt eyes.  
"Kiba?" she asked, "is this true?"

I looked between the two, trying to calculate the lesser of two evils. Autumn- who would probably rape me and…Alice, who would probably rape me.  
I was screwed.

"Of course it is," apparently I didn't have a choice, "It's obvious," Alice continued, "Didn't you realise both our names start with 'A'? Have two vowels? Both our mothers have blood type O positive? The signs were everywhere."  
Autumn suddenly looked outraged, "Have you been the one reading my mail?" she snapped.

"How I obtained my information is of no concern to you! Leave!"  
"No! You crazy bitch!" Autumn screamed, and lunged at her.

Hence, my first catfight involved a boy fighting a girl.

"Hey!" I yelled, jumping to over where they were clawing at each other, "Break it up!"

I had somehow managed to haul Alice off the other girl, and she struggled in my grasp, a bundle of waving limbs and screams, when I heard a bang from my front door as though it was being kicked open, and my bedroom door was splintered open with a fire axe.  
Autumn screamed again.

"They weren't even locked!" I exclaimed as the white coated men and women took the struggling Alice from me and fought her into a straight jacket.  
"Sorry about that," a short-haired woman informed me, "but we couldn't take any chances. The other four guys she's been in love with barely made it- ones been in and out of hospital for two years."

A now weakly pawing Alice stared at me.  
"K-Kiba-kun…"she whimpered, "We're still getting married, right?"  
The poor thing looked so small and sad that I almost humoured her, but then Akamaru returned form his walk wondering what all the fuss was about.  
At the sight of him Alice's expression changed to one contorted with rage.  
"You filthy monster!" she screamed, "This is all your fault!"

And with a pat on the arm and a 'consider this our breakup', the wailing woman was carried out.

Honestly, women.

A groan alerted me to the other occupant in the room. I stood over Autumn, looking down at her cautiously.  
"Are you just gonna stand there?" she asked.  
"Depends," I replied, "Are you going to molest me?"  
She cringed.  
"I'm sorry about that, Kiba." She apologised, "I just haven't had a man in a while, and I just _love_ feeling sexy. Plus-" she gave me a lopsided smile, "You are delectably rapable, and I think that crazy chick would agree with me there."  
"Yeah well, I hate to say this Aut, but I don't think this'll work out."  
She nodded awkwardly from her position on the floor.  
"Understood, nothing like an asylum escapee to put the damp on a romance," she winced, "now help me up, you jackass."

I pulled her up, and she swore and dusted some glass off of her.  
"You scream like a girl, you know." I informed her.  
"Thanks," she smiled genuinely. Then she held out her hand and shook mine.

"It's Al, by the way," she introduced, "Alan Knight. Fancy a beer?"

* * *

Only one more chapter to go...R&R


	7. AUTHORS NOTE DISCONTINUED

To all the people subscribed to this story, I'm sorry for the lack of last chapter. I have it half written somewhere.

However, I felt it best to tell you that this story is now (despite the fact you've all forgotten about it) **DISCONTINUED.**

Several factors has led to this decision, and I'm sorry I won't be able to complete it. But thanks so much for the support when I was writing! I know it was kinda a long time ago, eheh.


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